Tuesday, March 13, 2012

I'm leaving...

idk how long I will be gone
but im leaving

I wont blog for a long time
maybe I wont ever blog on here again

but i just wanted to let you all know that i love and cherish you <3 and your support has gotten me soo far! and I hope you are all okay, and i hope you all get to where u want to go. If you want to reach me email me. at


i hope your all okay
i love you
Byes <3

Thursday, March 8, 2012

If I disappeared...

would anyone care enough to find me?

so.. no sleep.
i was supposed to
go to the gym this morning
at 5 20 my alarm
went off


I cut last night
I tryed to quit
4 years ago..

that didnt work

my thumbs a mess...
so difficult to text

my knee isnt a pretty sight either

you know
i was ready
to grab the blade
slit my wrists so i could
blead myself to death...

i wanted to

but i didnt.
texted my friend
she gets it, unlike everyone else

she gets it.

well the bf
was nowhere to be found
when i was crying?

he ignored me
made me feel like
he wanted me to off myself

he says he loves me
and will be there for me
but he never is... maybe i am
better off dead.

no food today
not tomorrow

maybe if i stop eating
i will shrink enough
that i will disappear
maybe thats what
i want... need?

if i disappeared, would anyone care?

Fat piggy: lol im sure your heads not that big hun. and sadly i feel like my luck is running out.

more felice,
i want that owl tattoo

Monday, March 5, 2012

Light as a feather

hey guys
I know i havent blogged in a while
but I'm still surviving
just didnt really feel
like it with my friends
death and what not

id like to thank
u all for being
there for me
it really

sooo today
i got up at
5 30
went to the gym
burned 150 cals
i reallize thats
not much but
it still counts
and now im just getting
ready for school

march 20th I'm
trying to get
to 128ish

to do that
im gonna be
eating fruit and
veggies for a while

acception of yogurt.

wish me luck

you know who i am addicted to latly?
Felice fawn!
my friend got me hooked

heres some thinspo for you guys ;]
incase you dont know who she is
haha, love you all
stay strong <3

* Update:
heyyy sooo with the fruit veggie & yogurt thing I've decided to do it till i get to 128ish. maybe i will be 128 before my birthday! soo excited for RPM at the gym tomorrow! can burn off 600 cals! doubt ill do that much. least ill burn 400 ;] tomorrow that is. wish me luck!

btw, can u tell
i love spirit hoods <3

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Dance with me ana?

morning everyone
soo 139.6 this morning
thats alright i guess...
need to work my ass
off today to insure
that im 138 tomorrow
so then i can get down
to 135 for saturday

maybe even less!
we shall weight and see.

soo today is the visitatoin for my friend who died...
I dont want to go
becuase i dont
want to hear
ppl talking
and i
dont want
to have to watch
everyone cry... cuz u know
i would.

cant i pray for him in my heart?
isnt that good enough?
I dont want to seem
disrespectful tho.
I'dk everythings
messed up...

soo i cleaned up
all my thinspo pics
i used to only have
on album with 500 pics
gradualy deleted some
down to 300

so i ended up
making 4 albums in one
bones, arms/legs, body, and quotes
40 images in each. soo 160 in total.
nice and neet :] you know ill
add more. what else
would i do?

haha not likely.
i do need to eat something
b4 i work out. wouldent
want to damadge
my body any
more then
i have

If I'm 138 tomorrow
you dont know how happy I will be.
to be honest...
on the 16th i weighed 144.5
today is the 19th and im 139.6

3 days i dropped 4.9lbs!
thats almost 5lbs!
So if i was
thats 6.5lbs in 4 days.

i need to be 138 tomorrow
I think I'll have one of my
low cal smoothies.
then workout.
maybe add
in some
cuz its easyer to burn fat with more muscle.

wish i had pinapple...
thats the lowest cal
i have bluberries.
and they clean
ur system
so maybe ill do that
blueberrie banana maybe?

that would be 85..
plus the protein
would bee

thats so much tho...

but then I can work out.
alot... and have tea
after? boost my

I guess.
Think I'll dance!
to burn it all! i burn at least 300cals dancing! :]

hope ur all doing well
and thanks for being there
for me when my friend died..
it means alot.

i know i seem okay
but im really hurting...
hes in a better place... maybe?


Thin or not: It sucks alot... but thanks for your support! I really do miss him... Hope you never have to go through this darling. 

Emma Pheonix: Thanks so much! Its hard, and I had nightmares last night... but I know hes in a better place. I will never forget that boy <3 Id hug you right now if I could!

Time for dance thinspo!

Bones are white and pure...
I want my bones to show

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Death will bring us together

Soo my friend just died yesterday
he hung himself sunday
and was on life
support till

pulled the plug.

I dont feel like eating
I dont feel like running
I dont feel like anything will move me

idk... still working for 135
for saturday...

im just so lost
in this death
i want
to just go away...

no one replied to my last blog...
well hope ur all doing well.
even if really i am
alone in this
as always

maybe i should binge.
idk i want to now
but i dont.

i wont...

hope ur all okay.


I will be thin.
No one can stop me.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

cold hands, warm heart

10 days since my last blog
back really hurts
i have been typing
on this small lil lapytop
for hrs planing
out how
to drop weight fast

hoping on 135 by the 25th
when i get there
i will let you know
i have a photoshoot on the 25th
so 135 or under ill be pleased

gonna try and get to 120 by the 17th of march

gonna be hard but i want this
i need this

soo addicted to this
starting a shake thing tomorrow
was supposed to today
but binged and purged that out of the question
rents are gone till sunday

so ill be safe
need to go clean my room now
and work out later maybe

love you all!
stay strong!

fat piggy: ill make a page with all my recepie's soon darling. use frozen fruit btw. makes the smoothie thicker! so no need for milk ;]
still imagining: i loveeeee almond milk! and being alergic to chocolate sometimes sucks but for the most its awesome ;] lol. and thanks for the link to the site! ima have to check it out soon ;]
Kes: i havent heard from you in forever! hope ur doing well! ;] and love teas <3 

Sunday, February 5, 2012

I can, & I will

kay so
i get it
i keep doing
this to myself
and im the only
on who has control
over what i do
what i eat
how i

deal with things

today i am
starting a liquid
Mikey wont stop me
my fam wont stop me
the only persone who will
stop me is me!

unlucky me
i have to
go out
for my grams
birthday, fml

its a bbq place to
soo im going to reasearch
the most low cal meal ever
no carbs at all

maybe ill just have a salad
but they will ask and force
things on me... hope
the cake is chocolate
since im allergic
and wont have

least i can fast till then
liquids, so smoothies and what not are great!
any low cal drinks or no cal drinks
i should know about? haha


well I have realized
maybe i will be 130
for valentines day...
not 125... unlucky me

but i did this to myself
so its my own fault
been watching
b4 n after
i want
to be

i will be like that
i will be skinny!
i will be perfect

ill update my weight
on vday ;]

why is this vid soo entertaining?

soo hope ur all doing amazing!
i love you guys
and i love
i have your
love and support :]

but i hate failing you...
this time i wont
i promise

Iceteajunkie: I'm better now, specialy since i keep hitting rockbottom. Every time i hit, i get the strength to get back up :]
Stillimagining: Deffinatly, and if i make smoothies they will be under 100cals still. thanks so much for the love and support darling. and the tips. hope your doing alright! 

stay beautiful ;]