Sunday, October 2, 2011

I stopped eating because...

I stopped eating because
I'm sick and tired of not getting what I want
I'm the youngest in a 5 family house
I'm also the only girl aside from mom
People may think I get the most attention
but I dont... not with one brother going
to military school and the other with his
drug habits. both trying to avoid jail.

Final military moved out
but druggy is still here n he
brought friends. so no I dont
get that much attention. I'm not
stopping eating to get attention.

I stopped eating cuz you called me fat
every last one of them... I stoped eating
because I want to be perfect, cuz I want
to finally get what I want, cuz I deserve
the best. I will not eat till I see 129.9...
no one can make me.

when I get to 129.9 I wont eat carbs
I will not conform i will not consume
greese. I will be thin and no one can
stand in my way.

fuck everyone who tells me otherwise
I will be perfect.

The truth...

I used to cut myself on a daily bases... i was addicted. It made me happy. I get it, everyone says that. but I'm not like everyone. I still think about it. Every day. I'm 17 now, I started when I was 11... young I know. You see the marks on my arm, theres very few only for the reason that I stopped on my arm due to pesky parents. My ankles, legs, chest, ribs, tummy, theres so much more space... My new form of happiness is self starvation. It makes me happy to see me getting smaller. Makes me happy to see tiny numbers, Makes me happy to get the empty feeling... is that soo wrong? I scratch when I'm stressed. not cut. I think its been a year... I'm not sure. But I  will be perfect...

Perfection is achievable
no one can tell me otherwise.

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