Saturday, August 6, 2011

When will this depression end?

If I told you everything you would think I'm nuts, so instead I'm just going to tell you nothing and I will go nuts. So maybe little tid bits of my depression hear and there is enough? I can't tell you why I'm depressed. No, I'm not pms'ing... ive been this way for 6 years now... even my parents dont know how mentally fucked up I am... then again I am a pretty good liar. My boyfriend knows tidbits, my one best friend tyler knows almost everything... we dont talk much anymore tho. When I got a boyfriend tyler got mad and left me stranded on my own for almost a year.

Me and my boyfriends 2 year is coming up on the 13th. I should be happy, but I'm not cuz he wont be hear, cuz he is being forced to go with his fam to the USA for his sisters soccer tournament... so now were celebrating on the 11th. Sooner, so I need to look good better. No binging no purging, just now cals.

No matter how little I eat, everry morning when I wake up, I still feel fat. I loose weight, you can tell, but I have realized it will never be good enough. 111, thats my goal one day. 130 by the 10th, then you get to see pictures of my growtesk body, great.

I'm sorry if this has been depressing or monotone or just.... being a "party pooper" but I really needed to get something off my chest.

I love you guys sooooo much! <3

when will I get there
when will I be happy
when will I love me...


  1. I'm a really good liar when it comes to things like depression and things too. Sometimes I wish I wasn't because it makes it harder to admit that not everything is okay.

    Losing weight has the same effect on me. The more I lose, the fatter I feel.

  2. like sometimes I wish I could tell them how I feel, but I know what will happen. They will think I'm fine, and just overreacting...

    family sucks, and I had wayy too much today. blaaa