Monday, June 6, 2011


380 Cals today

my body is still

not working like
it should be but

I shouldn't have had that pasta... I realize it was a mistake 
and I am ashamed of myself... and I dont deserve it. I dont 
deserve nicethings. Cuz im a failure... Tomorrow, cleanse... 
right? Get out of the house, Find a job? I can't believe how 
much I am right now..136 keeps ringing through my head. It is 
alot! I need to be 130for the 10th! For Friday! for Mikeys 
birthday! I need to, its not a want anymore, its a need. a must. 
I have to do something!

I can't keep just expecting It will come off when it wants
cuz thats not true! Yes Ive lost over 10lbs, thats great n 
all... but its not good enough. I'm so sick and tired of ppl
saying I'm perfectly fine the way I am. Although it may be
fine with them, I'm not fine with it. Im unhappy and now 
its my turn to make me happy. I need to do this to make 
me happy and not depend on others to make me happy

Just a stressful day you guys...
feel like such a burn out... :[

I just cant go back to being that fat kid...
I just cant. the names, the tears, the depression...
All I know is i have the control of what I can and cannot do!

I am the pilot of my life
& so are you!


  1. babes, you can do this.. i know you can do it..
    I'm positive you can do this. your sooo strongg..
    i love you babe.

  2. i'm so sure that you can make your goal, you're so determined. and i know how you feel when you say that its not enough when other people are fine with your weight, i hate it because it matters what i think, not what they think

  3. i love you too
    just a long stressful day to be honest